Okay, I'll admit it. I complain about being Single a lot. That might even be an understatement. Countless IM conversations, tearful e-mails, you name it. Sometimes when I can actually detach myself from the situation, take a step back, I begin to wonder why I'm even upset about it. Sure, romance looks so nice in the movies. And yeah, it kills a little when you see couples walking hand-in-hand down the street. But hey, I can fly off to Rome on a moment's notice, to borrow an expression from "When Harry Met Sally." I can make huge life decisions without it really impacting anybody but myself. So, why aren't I all "I am Woman. Hear me roar!"? Why don't I live the life of a Woman with the whole world at her disposal?
Well, it dawned on me a couple of weeks ago when I got a very bad cold. Pretty minor, I know, but it really brought home things to me. I was in my room for an entire weekend: coughing, getting the chills, ordering in soup from a local deli, watching trashy TV, and sleeping it off. And as I sat at my laptop in my congested state, it hit me like a ton of bricks. There's just nobody here. Nobody there to make me a cup of tea, to take my mind off of things by making me laugh, to just sit with me while I hung out and rested. Nothing. Nobody. Yes, I have my independence... but that also means there's nobody to share my life with. And that's why it hurts. It's not the superficial things like holding hands or hugging in public that matter. It's the bigger things like comfort, care, compassion, and a human connection that make you feel like a chunk of your soul is missing.
So how do you reconcile the two different kinds of Women in your brain? How do you merge the independent Feminist with the antiquated girl, and find a happy medium? How do you just find peace so you can coast along until the time things might fall together? I'm 30 years old, and I still don't have the answer. Don't get me wrong.. I value my independence. But it sure would be nice to have someone to talk to tonight.
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1 comment:
Everyone has to deal with two competing needs - the need of connection and the need of independence. But I don't think you should assign all the roles of the people within your community to one single person, certainly not a romantic partner... and especially not a romantic partner you don't currently posess. No (wo)man is an island. It takes a village... other trite cliches that encompass interesting and valid ideas. If you're going to live by the romantic partner sword you're also going to die at its hand too. Because you won't always have such a person. And even when you do it won't be exactly as you imagine it. You need to build your network, your community, you need to be a good friend and have good friends. The romantic partner thing will happen when it happens, but it won't happen in a bubble. And it shouldn't either.
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